The Soulmate, The One and The Meant To Be.

A Soulmate, a One and a Meant To Be walk into a bar. Your responsibility walks out.

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that every single reader, in possession of a good deck of cards, has been asked about “The One”. The One you had a cup of coffee with, The One you never talked to, The One who didn’t give a duck about you… Why is this concept so damaging?

Luckylynxloveoracle
Lucky Lynx Love Oracle.

I can think of a number of reasons.

1. None of you have a choice. 

While this may seem “romantic” it is actually the deepest hole in Hell. Think about it. Two people so irresistible attracted to each other that they have no other choice but to stoically stand each other’s bullshit, betrayal, carelessness, unresolved issues… The list goes on and on… Forever! And the best part? They don’t really have an actual will of being together! It was all decided beforehand by some Twisted Occult Power in the Universe! How awesome is that?

2. It is the perfect excuse to avoid facing the truth.

Does he or she treat you like s***? Never mind! They are The One because you had never felt like this before. Like this crap, you mean? You will be there, inamovible, like the Pyramids, while some other person who couldn’t care less about you does their life and has you in the third position on their bootycall list. But it doesn’t matter because they haven’t realized it just yet. They love you but they are afraid. They are married and about to leave their spouse, but they just can’t because their spouse is so crazy but at the same time so fragile… They have commitment issues but they are going to change because of the strength of your love. They… They are just not interested.

3. It takes away your responsibility of nurturing, working and caring for your relationship. 

Yes. If it is “Meant To Be” it will be, right? It doesn’t matter if you are a jerk. It doesn’t matter if you decide not to work for your relationship, not to invest any amount of energy in having this person in your life. After all… None of you can help it.

4. It drains your energy, if stops your life, it creates anxiety, bitterness, insecurity… What for?

How many times have you gone to your Tarot reader (or to a reader after another…) wearing your heart on your sleeve, hoping for some validation that all that hell you’re going through is actually going to pay off? Looking for someone to feed your hopes of getting married and having a rugby team of babies from a person who doesn’t care of how are you doing? Who doesn’t even know that you are asking about them, because they don’t care?

You readers… How many times have you had to look at your querent in the eye and tell them that it is not going to happen? Which is probably more than what the “Soulmate” has done for them. And then deal with their disbelief, their denial (and I understand it… They are making a titanic effort, they are ripping off their skin for this!) or that less frequent, cathartic moment when they realize that all of their effort is not going to bring the desired result.

Love is not that, guys. And I mean it. And I have been that person, and now I know!

Tarot can help you explore, Tarot can help you find a way, but it won’t do for you what you won’t do for yourself.

Why don’t we stop thinking about “The One” and focus in The One we choose? Why not to take responsibility over what happens to us? Let’s do it! Love is not like catching a cold! It is a choice you make. What is more romantic that being with a person because you do admire them, because they have qualities that make you want to be by their side, because they treat you like no other, because they make you want to be better, because you, willingly, knowingly, consciously choose that this is the person you want to be with? That you choose. Not the Universe, not God, not the hormones in your brain. You.

I assume that there are points in life when we are not able to see this. That we need to know if he or she is coming back, if he or she loves us. And sometimes, very, very few times, it is true that they were going through transitory assholeness. But even those exceptional times, something actually changed, there was a growth. And what happens with growing is that you can’t do it for anyone but you.

The point I want to make with this is. Why don’t we focus our Tarot readings in what we can do to be happier? Wholer? Why not asking “How can I be a better partner?” instead of “Will they change?”. “What can I do to find love?” better than “When will I find love?”. And the best non Tarot question ever: “Do I want this?” rather than “Is he The One?”.

Have a great weekend!

Mia Alviz

My name is Mia Alviz and I declare myself "tarobsessed". I live in Spain, from where I make a living out of my passion: Tarot. With a taste for traditional European divination and crystal healing, my aim as a professional is to provide my querents with honest, meaningful and empowering insight as well as building a legacy into the Tarot Community.

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28 comments

  • Such honest post Mia and will do a lot of people a whole lot of good, if they read this in earnest. “The One” is so cliched and people either crave for them or are hurt but can’t let go. Thanks for sharing this

    Liked by 1 person

  • I love how you point out we don’t have to put up with the BS just because the person is our soulmate…that we actually get to CHOOSE! Choice is something we should all take advantage of because putting up with anything less than the best should be illegal. I love your no nonsense way of writing!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I should rebrand to “The No BS Tarot” and see how it goes 😛 I’m glad you liked it!

      Like

  • Excellent post. How can you be a better person rather than waiting for someone to change. I have to spend some time thinking about this while I struggle with some personal issues in life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • When I write this kind of things is not because I am an enlightened, but because I have done this shit time and again and honestly, it took quite a few pretty expensive counselling sessions to find out that it is not that I had terrible luck, but that I made poor life choices. Choice is the key! Thanks for stopping by!

      Liked by 1 person

  • I know that some soul out there wont like this post because it will remind them of how bad relationship they are in. Thats sad because this post is open peoples eyes but I guess not everybody is not ready for that!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sometimes I come across as cold, but I really say these things from the bottom of my heart. Sometimes a slap is better than a while of fake comfort.

      Liked by 1 person

  • I think many of us think we want the truth but want to ease it all with a lie. When you are in love you want what you want but The One might just be The WRONG One.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s a very common happening. Truth hurts sometimes, but it is the best way for us to be truly aware of our options!

      Like

    • I am glad that you found it useful! Feel free to share and thank you for stepping by!

      Like

  • I am with you and the damaging concept of soul mate. It definitely takes the responsibility out of a relationship. Everyone has to bend to meet your needs and you do not have to bend to the other person at all. Because if they don’t do everything you want, then they must not be “the one.” As if that is the way relationships are supposed to work. People have screwed up the idea of love so much they think it means something that happens to them instead of something they work at. Sure, attraction may draw you to a person. But that fades. It’s the love and the giving to each other that lasts.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m glad to find a likeminded reader! It is just sad to think that whether or not you are happy in a relationship is an entirely random event that doesn’t depend on you in any way, right? Thanks for stepping by!

      Like

    • Focusing on ourselves may not be as fun, but it is the best way of gaining awareness about how we can change our lives!

      Like

  • Why I Don’t Do Soulmate / Twin Flame Readings. – The Sibyl's Tarot

  • it somehow makes sense until after I am done reading and I ponder on 1. so much focus on myself is not part of the love dynamics 2. it takes two to tango
    However I appreciate the advise on the different spirit with which one can approach the reading

    Like

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